Reviewing Whatever

Spider-Man 3
2007, in theaters

You should know
I saw Spider-Man at a big promotional event at my undergrad. I saw Spider-Man 2 in theaters.

I saw Spider-Man 3 with Brian.

So?
I wasn’t thrilled. With three or four villains (depending how you’re counting), and at least two romantic interests, the movie is trying to do far too much. And they have the time – the film is long. I could have lost a subplot and a good 45 minutes and been satisfied.

One bit of excess that could have been cut with no loss? The “Peter Parker dances like an idiot” bit. He just embarrasses himself. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s just embarrassing, and I wanted to sink into my seat and pretend I wasn’t there just for having seen it (hmm, that could explain why I hated Napolean Dynomite, come to think of it).

Interestingly, the “Uncle Ben’s killer” retcon didn’t bother me. It was just feasible enough that I could sort of block out the inconsistencies. After all, there are two things necessary for Spider-Man’s life: angst, and stupid one-liners.

Topher Grace made a pretty good Eddie Brock -- and that’s considering that I was raised on the animated version, who was far more bulky than Eric Forman could ever hope to be. The Gwen Stacy plotline was disappointing, though; if the filmmakers were going to completely ignore her significance, they really should have left her out altogether. Love of Spidey’s life who died tragically, providing Parker with a much-needed wake-up call? Not so much. If there was going to be a hot blonde to make MJ feel insecure, I would have preferred the Black Cat. Oh well, maybe next time.

And I’m sure there’ll be a next time. They keep bringing out Dr. Connors. Something will have to be done with him.

Also, I would like to remark upon the new trend of superpowered young men named Peter running around New York City with emo hair. Lose the emo hair, Peter. Reader's choice which one I'm talking to.

Rating
See it if you haven’t yet
Oh, you probably have. It might not be the best in the series. It may not even be worth catching in theaters, especially if you’re so on the fence about it that you haven’t seen it yet. But if you’ve caught the first two, you should give the third a chance.

The rest of the Internet
Beware of spoilers
The IMDb page.
Middling reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.
The Variety review.
10 things the folks at CinemATTIC learned from Spider-Man 3.
The Wikipedia page.
Vic Holtreman at Screenrant enthuses on seeing the film on IMAX.
Kelly Candaele at The Huffington Post considers the politics - and philosophy - of Spider-Man 3.
Meanwhile, Dan Phillips at Pyromaniacs considers the problematic theology of the film.
Christianity Today also considers the movie.
Matt at [sic] and Jeff at MovieHawk weigh in.